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MediCal Is My Fountain Of Youth

Flushed with a resolve to write a pertinent, precise and profane column this morning, I ran into what we in the wordsmith profession call writers cramp. Brain lock.

Thing is, I been there. Done that. It is one of those days you see crystal clear and when fingers trip the light fantastic across your computer keyboard, it comes out mush. Garbage.

In the old days, it would drive me to drink. No kidding. It is amazing how a slight buzz of a hangover clears the cobwebs, lays waste the minutiae and goes for the gold.

Frankly, I have run out of gimmicks to get the creative juices flowing in what some idiot coined the golden years.

This morning I thought I had one of those “gotcha” stories, an account of still another Republican blasting the Obama administration stimulus program as an utter failure.

Yet this same woman, Rep. Mary Bono Mack (R-Palm Springs) was first out of the shoot praising the Interior Department for allowing a company to build the largest solar plant in the world on federal land in the Mojave Desert near Blythe, Calif.

Nothing wrong with that. Except she left a tiny detail out of her press release: The project was fast tracked to qualify for 30% of the $6 billion cost to be paid by taxpayer stimulus funds of which Bono Mack voted against.

It occurred to me Bono Mack is no fool. The Blythe solar project will create 1,500 construction jobs, 240 permanent jobs upon completion in three years and provide electricity for 300,000 homes. Just a little forgetful.

And then the story fell apart and I threw my hands up in disgust. No where did it say if the sun-powered project would reduce costs for energy users which in my naivete believed was the whole purpose.

The story didn’t merit a word from the two largest daily newspaper on-line versions — The Los Angeles Times and San Diego Union-Tribune —  when I checked at dawn today. They must have allowed the local outlets all the crumbs.

Maybe they were right, I thought. Green jobs don’t mean squat no matter how many times we are told the contrary here in California. Probably because so many of these green enterprises fizzle before they start.

I looked at what I wrote and decided it was unadulterated crap. Man, I lost it. I can’t write.

My downer continued until the mail arrived. A letter from the Health and Human Services Agency of the California Department of Health Care Services — in the old days we simply called it “welfare” — informed me I was re certified for MediCal.

But here’s the best part and explanation that made my day:

“Jerry K. Remmers is not age 65 or older and is no longer blind or disabled.”

I kid you not. Those welfare people have a way with words that inspire me to new writing horizons.

The government decrees I’m at least seven years younger than this morning and I have regained my eyesight which I have had for ever.

But I do walk with a cane.

Reinvigorated, I am now convinced I can out write a government form letter, which, upon reflection as a much younger lad, is not exactly setting the bar very high.

(Solar panel diagram courtesy 027ws.com; Mary Bono Mack courtesy teapartyplayingcards.com)

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